Spontaneity

          

             Do you ever have those moments where a crazy idea pops into your head and you are very tempted to act on it?  This happens to me quite often, especially when I’m tired of the same old routine.  As I drive down the road on my way to school, for instance, I have a tingling, exhilarating urge to just forget about going to school, to forget about the future, and to just get on the interstate to travel to some tropical destination.  Or, before I met my boyfriend Marshall, I’d see a particularly handsome boy   walking down the street and feel the urge to walk up to him and tell him that I think he’s handsome and wrap him up in a hug.  Even though I don’t act on any of these spontaneous thoughts, I’m still left with a thrilling, cozy feeling, merely by thinking about the possibility. 

Today I was thinking about these spontaneous thoughts and wondered why I never acted on any of them.  I realized what the reason was: I was afraid of the consequences of my actions.  The future: such a frightening, illusory concept.  The latter part is what I should focus on, but I tend to always focus on the frightening aspect of it, of how what I do in the present can greatly affect my future.  What we need to focus on is the future’s illusory quality.  The future never truly happens.  It is always the present.  I shouldn’t focus on the future when the present is all that matters, but it’s really difficult to do this.  Society teaches a person from the very beginning of their life, and as they grow up, to always think of the future.  Go to school, graduate from high school, go to college, get a good job, find a partner, have kids, there’s always something to be planned.  But the truth is that life is uncertain and can’t truly be planned, and even if life was certain and you planned your whole life, that life would be a huge disappointment.  There’d be no surprise, no spontaneity.  Even though surprises and uncertainties can quite often be scary, they are what make life worthwhile and so beautiful.  You never know what’s going to happen next, and things are never as they seem.

What if, the next time I have one of those crazily spontaneous notions pop into my head, I actually act on it?  Most people would say that I’m insane and would be shocked, but deep down inside they’d be envious and admire my bravery.  We all have these thoughts, and we’re all afraid to act on them, but we so deeply want to.  Fear of the future is what holds us back.  What we need to remember is that the future is not real.  Neither is the past.  The only thing that is real is the present.  Life is a series of present events, so why not do whatever your mind wants to do in the present (as long as it’s not harmful to anyone or anything, of course)?  We worry way too much.  I especially am guilty of this.  If only we could all stop worrying so much and try to have the best life in the present that we can.  Have you always wanted to go to Paris?  Go ahead and do it.  Do you want to go talk to that cute boy in your class and tell him how you feel about him?  Once again, go ahead and do it.  You only have one life to live, so there’s no room for fear.  As Franklin D. Roosevelt said, “There’s nothing to fear but fear itself.”  Life is too beautiful to be spent doing something you don’t want to do.  Go on and live your life.  Your life is a story…make it a good one.