What’s My Age Again?

Two weeks ago I turned 23 years old, and I can’t believe it.  That’s what I say every year, but it’s true.  The older I get time seems to go faster and faster.  I used to laugh about that when my grandparents would say that, but I now know what they were talking about.  It’s crazy, but it’s actually true.  The older you get, you realize just how beautiful your life is and learn to appreciate each moment.   When I was younger, time seemed to go super slowly.  One year seemed like a century.  Even when I was in high school, the idea of a freshman dating a senior sounded insane and was quite the controversy.  The irony here is that if Marshall and I had dated when we were in high school, that’s what the situation would have been.  He would have been a senior while I was a freshman.  Darn.  I missed out on the controversy.  Now it isn’t a controversy at all.  Three years is nothing when you’re a little bit older.

I think it was after I graduated that all of this started, the “time going faster” bit.  I started to figure out who I was and began to have responsibilities/obligations that I never had before: deadlines, bills, living on my own, and just  major freedom in general.  So, instead of having too much time to kill, I was praying for time to slow down before my next paper was due, before my next exam was scheduled, before my next tuition bill was due, etc…  It’s very interesting how time is truly relative.  When we’re at work and want the day to be done, the minutes seem to last a lifetime, but when we’re on vacation and want the time to last forever, the minutes seem to last merely seconds.  It’s both frustrating and fascinating.

In the end, however, time really doesn’t mean anything.  This is mind-blowing to think about, and probably most people wouldn’t believe me when I say this, but I think it’s true.  Our lives may be an accumulation of seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, and years, but it isn’t what we do in each of those seconds that makes a difference.  It’s, in total, what enriching of a life we choose to have.  To me, age isn’t the number that you currently are.  It’s the age you choose to be.  If you’re 40 but feel like—and choose to be—6, per say, then you truly can.  I definitely agree with the saying that “you’re as young as you feel.”  Your age isn’t the number you are now; it can be any number below that as well; you are an accumulation of ages.  For instance, a person who is 13 is also 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12.  It’s the choice that determines what age that person is.  My mom works at an elementary school, and many of the children think that she’s 20 or 30 years old.  That’s because she chooses to be young.  She is actually 51 years old, but she is a child at heart.  She can be however young she wants to be.

Thinking about myself being 23 years old is very hard to believe.  I feel more like a high schooler still…or maybe a 5-year-old….and that’s okay.  I can be whatever age I want to be.  Of course, in public it can be a little weird to act like a 5-year-old when you’re actually 23 years old, but you can still act that way in your heart.  It’s another amazing thing about all creatures: we are all ages at once.  We have so many choices and opportunities to be whatever age we want and be whatever people we want to be.  I, myself, am a whole lot of contradictions.  I’m a child at heart, but I also consider myself to have an old soul.  I like to color in coloring books and play little kid games, but I also like talking with older people and doing more mature activities.  I have the heart of a child, the mind of a dirty 23-year-old, and the introverted but loving soul of an old, wisdom-filled soul. 

This is what makes life so interesting.  You never know what a person is like at first glance and that person can always change him or herself into something entirely different.  So, “what’s my age again?”  It doesn’t matter.  I am—and we all are—all ages.  All it takes is choice.  And, in my case, "I never want to act my age.”