The Power of Music

 

With wobbly legs, sweating palms, and a rapidly beating heart, I shutter a last shaky breath and stagger onto the stage.  The spotlight blinds me, but I can still see hundreds of faces that are staring at me.  The adrenaline pumps through my veins, almost too much to handle, and insecurities plague my brain.  What if I mess up and everyone laughs at me?  What if I freeze up and am unable to sing at all?  These thoughts rip through my head, but when I take the microphone in my hand and the music starts, a sudden calm washes over me, and my insecurity and fear evaporates. 

  Being an extremely shy person all my life, people who knew me were very surprised when I decided to perform in the talent show with my best friend Danica.  When I spoke, my voice whispered words timidly.  Either no one heard me or what I said came out wrong, a mess of “um”s and random words that didn’t make sense together.  The other students in class or other people I met would look at me sympathetically or confusedly, and through those looks of patronization I could sense the judgment running through their minds.  It emotionally scarred me, and my confidence deflated like a balloon.  After a while I gave up on speaking almost entirely.  Fearing that what I had to say wasn’t important or was unintelligent, I choked on any words I tried to speak.  I began believing that it was just better to not speak so that I wouldn’t be embarrassed and judged. 

I always dreaded the days when I’d have to do a speech in front of the class.  In elementary school I got up in front of the class to do a presentation on Egypt and completely forgot what I was going to say.  It was as if an iron curtain had suddenly been pulled down over my mind, keeping me stranded on the other side without my thoughts. With all those eyes staring needles at me, judging me, I could only focus on telling myself not to cry.  I uttered a few rambling words and eventually stumbled back to my seat, defeated but very happy to have escaped the spotlight.  If I were to speak in front of a group of hundreds of people, my mind would either completely blank out, and I’d end up just gaping out at the audience, like a mindless zombie…or I would faint.  Most likely the latter.  Being in the spotlight while singing, however, is a whole different story.  For some reason whenever I get up in front of a large group of people and start singing, I’m completely at ease; it’s like home for me. 

It all started on a music class day in late autumn.  As usual our music teacher, Mrs. Yerke, had a song playing for us when we came in.  As my best friend Danica and I walked in, we recognized the song right away and started singing it loudly, not caring about the stares from our classmates.  It was the song “We’ve Got Lots in Common” from the movie Charlotte’s Web, which was one of our favorite movies.  Danica and I had met a year ago—in second grade—and since then we were as inseparable as a shadow is to a body.  Wherever one of us was, the other wasn’t far behind.  Our parents jokingly called us “Jennica” and would often accidentally call us by each other’s names.  Danica had dark brown hair and a gap-toothed smile.  She wore t-shirts and athletic shorts, and often played sports with the boys and chatted easily with anyone.   We were opposites, but somehow we fit together like two puzzle pieces.   She helped me to do and learn things that I would’ve never tried because I was too afraid to do them by myself, like having sleepovers with other girls in the class, going down big waterslides, and playing sports with the boys.

During that very class, Mrs. Yerke told us about the upcoming school talent show and encouraged us all to try out.  Mrs. Yerke was one of my favorite teachers.  She had black curly hair that she always had up in a ponytail, and she wore large square glasses and flowery skirts.  Mrs. Yerke had such a strong passion for music that it bubbled out and made people feel the same joy that she was feeling for the music.  As Mrs. Yerke was talking, Danica turned to me, her eyes dancing with excitement, and said, “We should sing that song together for the talent show!  It’d be so fun!”

I was a bit uncertain at first.  I had always loved singing, but I’d never performed in front of a big group of people before.  It was only with my close friends or family.  Singing in front of my family and close friends was easy because I knew they wouldn’t judge me and always loved me, but with strangers there was a high possibility of judgment.  I didn’t know if I could handle the possibility of embarrassing myself in front of a huge group of people and being judged and laughed at.  The more I thought about it, however, the more appealing it sounded.  This could be my chance to prove myself.  I was sick of being known as the “shy, quiet girl;” I wanted to prove to the world that there was more to me than just that.  I wanted to show the world the talent that I had, and the confident, fun, and unique person I could be.   After class I eventually agreed, and Danica grinned with pleasure, grabbed my hand, and tugged me along to talk to Mrs. Yerke.  I stood awkwardly beside Danica as she explained that we wanted to sing “We’ve Got Lots of Common” in the talent show.  Mrs. Yerke’s eyes lit up and her voice chimed with enthusiasm.

“That’s wonderful!  That song would work perfectly for you two,” Mrs. Yerke chirped, her ponytail bouncing as she practically bubbled over with happiness. 

The help and praise that Mrs. Yerke gave us before we performed for the talent show was super valuable, and the passion for music that she exuded during the whole process was highly contagious.  Before I knew it, I was absolutely in love with music.  At first I was afraid to sing in front of her, afraid that she wouldn’t like my voice, but I was pleasantly surprised to find her praising me and helping to make my talent shine even more.  This really made my confidence rise, and I became a much happier person.  When the end of the school day came around, I would get all antsy--impatiently squirming in my seat and constantly watching the clock—because after almost every class Danica and I would practice our song with Mrs. Yerke.  The moment that the school bell rang, Danica and I would scurry out of class, grab our book bags and jackets, and head down to Mrs. Yerke’s room to practice our song.  What was really neat and surprising for me as a kid was the fact that practice became fun.  I know now that I was having fun because I was doing what I loved: singing.  When audition day came, we nailed it because we had practiced hard and gained confidence through that hard work. 

When the big day came, the reality of what I was about to do really hit me, and I became very nervous. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to handle singing in front of so many people and worried that I’d mess up, but it helped a lot knowing I’d have my best friend up there with me.  The moment I first got on the stage was absolutely surreal and took away all of my worries and fears.  I’ll always remember it, and every time I went on the stage after that was just as magical.  Walking out on the stage, the bright warm lights shining down on me, elevated above everyone else, the center of attention, and taking the microphone in hand, I felt such a rush of adrenaline and power.  My whole body buzzed, and my heart soared.  I felt like I could do or be anything; I was the star.

Third grade was a very life-changing year for me: the year that I began singing in the John Muir Elementary School Talent Show.  As a kid, I didn’t understand why it was easy for me to do, but I just loved it.  Now, however, I understand the impact of that event.  Singing is something that I’m good at and have a strong passion for.  Whenever I get up on the stage to sing, the adrenaline and magic makes me feel as free as a bird.  On stage, I’m finally free of my insecurity and fear, and when people who hear me sing praise me for my ability, I gain a huge burst of confidence.  Confidence is something that I lacked a lot in elementary school, so having an outlet to prove myself and develop my confidence was life-changing for me.  I began to come out of my shell a bit and was able to find a way to express myself without speaking, through the power of music.