Twilight

     

     Taking a hike on this crisply cold December afternoon, I watched as day turned to night, light to dark, and marveled at the beauty and mystery of the in-between moment: twilight.  It's not yet dark but it's also not quite light anymore either.  The world is suspended in a moment between an ending and a beginning. The day is about to end and the night is about to begin.  As I observed the beautiful scene of the snow shining and the dark trees branched around me, I suddenly thought of a quote that Edward says in the book Twilight: “It's twilight. It’s the safest time of day for us. The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way...the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don’t you think?”  I really like this quote.  It's very true. Twilight is a bit sad, especially at the end of a day that was particularly wonderful.  The day is ended, and that day will never exist again.  The day that has passed can never be repeated. 

      But there is also beauty in this ending because to quote "Closing Time" by Semisonic, "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."  With the end of a day comes the night, which can be frightening sometimes, but after the night there is always the dawn of a new day, a day where anything can happen, and where a person can do or become anything he or she sets his or her mind to: a "new beginning" after a "beginning's end."  There is such beauty in this, and most of us don't really take a moment to realize this beauty, including myself, but being in nature always helps me to realize the beauty in not only this particular moment but in all moments. 

     Nature connects me to the world around me and brings me wonder and realization of how blessed I am to live in such a world of contradictions: of endings and beginnings, of comfort and danger, of fire and ice, of predictability and unpredictability.  Each day and night is always unique, but the progression between the two can always be depended on.  Always after day will come night and then day again, continuing on and on until the Earth's life ends.  Our own lives correspond with this progression of time.  Our days and nights are both different every day but continue in the same progression day after day and night after night until our lives end.  We may not know for sure what comes after death, but if it's anything like the wondrous contradictions of life on Earth, then it should be simply marvelous.   

My Lucky Star

    

     All my life I've waited for you.  My hopes and dreams designed you, and the wishes I sent to countless shooting stars created you.  But I never knew you existed, and you never knew I existed either.  I wandered alone, strong at first, bolstered up by the belief that I may find you someday soon, but days, months, years passed, and I still hadn't found you.  I'd catch glimpses of you in dreams, and though they were lovely and enchanting at the time, when I'd wake up to face reality they became soul-crushing.

     I began to lose hope.  A few times I thought I'd found you but then realized I'd been mistaken, and this eventually led me to complete hopelessness and apathy.  I realized I may never find you, that you might not even exist, and my world turned upside down.

     But then you suddenly appeared out of nowhere and turned my world right-side-up again.  You knocked me off the ground, lifting me up into the air, and my life would never be the same.  You found me, the true love I had created.  I knew without a doubt in my mind that it was you.  Sometimes when I look into your eyes I see those shooting stars flash by, the stars brimming with wishes for you to be born, the stars that created you and dropped you into my life.  I thank the stars everyday that you found me, my lucky star.

Darkness

      : a word with definitions and associations on completely opposite ends of the spectrum.  The most widely used association with darkness is an association with fear of the unknown and despair.
     
       Darkness blinds us, making us unable to anticipate what's to come or what's right in front of us in the moment even, and this is very frightening.  Humans like to be certain of the world, to completely organize and understand the world around them, but the darkness taunts us, showing us that certainty is impossible.  We can never truly be certain of anything because we live in a universe filled with uncertainty.  Thus, we're afraid of darkness because it reminds us of our vulnerability, how little we are in an immensely uncertain universe.
     
        Darkness can have a positive association though as well.  When we're having a bad day and want to escape the real world for a while, the darkness within our closed eyelids is a very good friend.  Within this darkness we can either set our minds into a void of nothingness or we can dream of anything we want to, even the impossible.  Also, the darkness a person may encounter when he or she dies--the darkness of eternal sleep--can be a very welcoming darkness.  It contains the promise of no more struggles and no more pain, just a peaceful sleep with the welcoming, velvety embrace of darkness.
    
        I marvel at how a single word can have so many unique definitions and/or associations.  It just goes to show you that language can never truly define the world around us.  The universe is far too complex and uncertain for that.  And that is not something to be afraid of; it is something to marvel at and enjoy.   
  

Let the Magic of Christmas Shine in Your Heart

       

         Christmas time is here yet again, and just like every year, I can barely wait!  I love Christmas so much!  There's just something so magical and filled with coziness and love at this time of year.  It's the holiday that renews the child within us and the wonder that comes along with being a child.  A world that, while in other seasons of the year looks drab and depressing, becomes completely new and unimaginably beautiful and enchanting.  The feeling of depression--or even apathy--is replaced with joy and love.  And the world that once was dark, cold, and cruel is now bright, warm, and pure.  Some people are unable to have this shift of perspective when Christmas rolls around, are unable to get in "the Christmas spirit" so to speak, and I truly feel sorry for these people and wish they could feel the absolute comfort, joy, and wonder I feel at this time of year.  How wonderful the world would be if we could all keep the Christmas spirit all year round.  But alas, this doesn't happen, and even for major Christmas fanatics such as myself, the magic dies a little bit more every year.  It's called "growing up," and it's highly overrated.  If only we could keep the child-like joy of Christmas in our hearts forever, right?  Well, we might not be able to keep all the magic we had in our hearts at Christmas time as children, but we can try to keep the memories with us and keep as much joy, love, and wonder in our lives as we possibly can.  ...And follow the code of the elves! :
1. Treat every day like Christmas.
2. There's room for everyone on the nice list.
3. The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.

Perspective

 

There are so many people in this world, each with a completely unique perspective of the world.  There are approximately 7,125,000,000 people in this world.  This means there are over 7,125,000,000 unique perspectives of the world.  That’s a startling amount, and every 8 seconds, another perspective is added to this list.  What if we were able to see the world from all of these different perspectives?  This would be an amazing discovery.  The mysteries of the world would become much clearer, and the world would be much more peaceful for then we’d know truly how each individual sees the words and we’d truly be able to empathize with each other.

So, this most likely will never become possible, but we can still try.  Try by being accepting of each other and patient, not judging a person before you get an insight into his or her perspective.  For there is no one right perspective.  The right perspective is a culmination of all of the perspectives together into one. 

 

 

 (Population statistics from: http://www.census.gov/popclock/ )

 

Perfect

 

                Letters race across the page…racing at snail speed.  Sometimes it’s easy to find the right words to convey but at other times it’s very much so not.  Right now is one of those times.  My mind isn’t blank though.  It’s more of an overload.  Writer’s block isn’t the absence of thoughts; it’s when you have just way too many thoughts and ideas that cause your mind to “block” up, so to speak.  Where do I start?  What should I say?  How will I say it?  Can I even do it?

                Writer’s block is similar to my feelings/thoughts about the future.  So many possibilities, but once again…where do I start?  What should I do?  How will I do it?  Can I do it?  Writing is like life.  Just as no one is ever a “perfect writer,” there is no “perfect person.”  Every writer/person has ups and downs in life, successes and failures, and we all constantly try again and again to perfect ourselves and what we’re doing.  Even though we aim to be perfect we’ll never truly reach it, but that’s okay.  To me the meaning/goal of life isn’t to be “perfect” at something or everything.  I believe that the real meaning/goal is to try the very best you can in all you aspire to do, to be the best person you can, and to love not only the ones you hold dear but also your enemies.  By doing this you still won’t become “the perfect person,” but you will be the perfect version of one particular individual: Yourself.  And that’s the very best, most beautiful person you could possibly be.

A Reflection on Sex

 

Sex: such a loaded word with so many different connotations.  Mostly it is seen as dirty, animalistic, and a taboo table conversation…not something you’d discuss with your grandmother over Thanksgiving dinner for instance.  But it can also be seen in a pure and compassionate way, as a deeply physical and emotional connection with a profound soul-touching power as well as a miraculous life-giving power.  The latter is how I view sex, but it wasn’t how I’d always viewed it.  Before I’d fallen in love and had a sexual relationship for the first time, I thought sex was dirty and impure and looked very painful.  I was convinced that I would never have sex and that even if I did, that I wouldn’t enjoy it and wouldn’t do it often.  Falling in love, however, has changed everything.

Who would’ve thought something as carnal and physical could be so pure and spiritual simultaneously?  Maybe it’s just me, but sex is more than just physical desire and instinct.  If it’s done with someone you love and trust (not just a random hook-up), sex can be extremely emotional and spiritual.  The act of having sex is a major display of trust.  There are so many things that could go wrong when it comes to sex…the woman could get pregnant, STDs could be transmitted, and rape could occur.  That’s why trust is so important when it comes to sex. 

If you can’t trust your partner with all your heart, then you aren’t truly ready for sex.  Your body may be saying “let’s go,” but your heart is saying “no.”  Trust your heart.  Putting yourself out there, displaying and giving up your whole body to another person is a major decision, and when you decide to do this with the right person—someone you love and trust completely—then this really strengthens your relationship and adds a whole new dimension of connection.

The first time I had sex probably wouldn’t be considered very spiritual…more so awkward…but, with time and practice, trust steadily built even more and with this complete trust came a freedom I’d never felt before…a freedom to be exactly who I am, no hiding, and to be completely certain of who I wanted and loved unconditionally: my lover. 

The part I find most amazing about sex is the connection between sex’s physical, instinctual connection and the intangible, spiritual connection of souls.  Through a physical connection of two bodies, a spiritual connection occurs right along with it.  It’s such a blessed and wondrous feeling to begin to know a person both inside and out, soul and body.  As I learned—and continue to learn— more and more about my lover, the more I love him and the more beautiful he becomes.  It’s so indescribable, so unconditional.  Sex isn’t everything, but it is a gateway to the soul once you trust your partner enough to meet “where soul meets body.”

Glow

                                                   

Slowly drifting out of consciousness, I awakened and fuzzily noticed that it was bright out.  It can’t be morning already, can it? I thought as I took a glance at my alarm clock.  1:30 AM.  Well, it’s definitely not light out yet.  There could only be one explanation for this… I jumped to my feet, completely forgetting my sleepiness, and forcefully pulled up the shades.  The world was a sweet, powdered pastry.  It looked as though a baker had sprinkled powdered sugar all over the earth’s surface.  It was the first snowfall of the year, and it had accumulated enough to cover the ground in a lovely dusting of white.  I had a sudden urge to jump out the window and frolic through this winter wonderland, but I figured jumping out of my window would end tragically, so I instead raced down the stairs and out the back door, not even bothering to grab a jacket or shoes.

Silvery flakes continued to lazily drift down, glittering in the bright light of the harvest moon.  As I gazed at this beautiful scene, I was filled with a sense of wonder.  There is just something so captivating, so magical, about the first snowfall.  The air abruptly becomes crisp, tickling my cheeks with its prickling ice, and I hug my arms around my chest to keep in my warmth.  At the very instant when the snow begins to fall, everything seems to slow down, and the world is saturated in silence, as if the whole planet has stopped to behold this uniquely pure and blessed moment. 

I sang as I pranced and twirled around my backyard.  I’m sure I was quite the odd sight, dancing about merely in red and green pajamas, my socks soaked through from the lightly-peppered snow already collecting on the grass, but fortunately no one was awake at this late hour to see me acting so oddly...but also unfortunately. 

One moment I was twirling and almost floating on air, the very next I was falling, plummeting, into darkness.  It was the strangest sensation…a lack of sensation and consciousness.  I had no feelings, no thoughts, no mobility, nothing at all.  The world was just a black void.  It could’ve been seconds, minutes, or hours; I had no sense of time, but after an amount of unspecified time, there came a blinding light.  I began to think and feel again.  The first feelings I had were fear and confusion, and the first thoughts I had were: Am I dead? and  Is the blinding light that I’m seeing Heaven?

Do not be afraid, whispered a voice inside my head that was not my own.   I am here to help you.   

Who are you? I responded.  And how did you get inside my head?

My name is David, the voice answered, and I am here to help you, it repeated.

As David spoke, the light became brighter and brighter until I became completely blind.  Ironically, as the world became brighter, I steadily descend into darkness yet again until no light was left.  I’d never been in a place so dark before.  It was frightening but also oddly comforting.  A deep sleep.

----

Sunlight. Even behind closed lids I could recognize it.  I was afraid to open my eyes though, afraid that I was dead and that I’d be facing an unknown world the moment I opened them.  As I hesitated, my ears started to pick up sound again.  It was muffled, as if I was underwater and hearing sounds from above the surface, but I recognized that they were voices of people I knew: my parents.  With the prospect of being reunited with my parents flooding my mind with a river of hope, I carefully peeled open my eyes. Fuzzily the world began to take shape.

I was lying in a hospital bed with my parents and a girl with long black hair and brown eyes circled around me.  When they noticed that I had awoken, smiles and tears of joy lit upon their faces.  They were like children on Christmas morning, gushing with pure joy. 

“Oh, Stella,” my mother cried as she tearfully took me up in her arms.  “I’m so glad you’re alright.”  Nestled in my mother’s arms, I pressed my face into her blonde hair and breathed in the comforting smell of her lilac-scented shampoo.  Looking over my mother’s shoulder, I saw my father looking at me with uncharacteristic tears streaming down his face.  Becoming aware that I noticed him, my father turned to wipe his tears away with his large, tough hands and roughly cleared his throat.  Standing next to him was the girl with long black hair.  I didn’t know who she was, but she gave me a smile and looked at me as if she had met me before.

I pulled away slightly, shocked and shaking.  “Wh-what happened?” I asked. 

“We don’t know for sure, but it seems to be that you had tripped on something in your yard and fell unconscious, and since it was very cold out, you caught hypothermia.”  I jumped in surprise and whipped my head in the direction of the unknown voice.  I hadn’t noticed the doctor standing by the door. “You very likely could have died if it hadn’t been for Anna here who found you lying in the snow and alerted us.”

Ah.  So that’s why she looked at me as if she knew me.  The girl with the long black hair flushed as we exchanged smiles from across the room.

“How long have I been here?” I asked.

“You’ve been here three days,” the doctor responded.  I didn’t know what to think about that.  It felt both as if an eternity and no time had passed, which didn’t make sense.  “You would have been out of here much faster, but we had to run some tests on an…irregular reaction you had to hypothermia.”

I furrowed my eyebrows, and my heart beat fast.  Tests? An odd reaction?  What’s going on?  “What kind of tests?” I asked, starting to feel light-headed.  “And what do you mean by an ‘odd reaction’?”

“Well, after your accident we discovered an odd…eminence transmitting from your heart.  It’s unlike anything we’d ever seen before, so we ran some tests, but we couldn’t seem to figure anything out about it,” the doctor said, a pained expression on his face.  I could tell that he clearly took pride in his job and didn’t like the fact that he couldn’t diagnose my condition, so I tried to remain calm about this news.

“An eminence?” I asked.  “So you’re telling me that my heart…glows?”

 “Yes, I’m afraid there’s no other technical name I can provide for it,” the doctor said.  “But don’t be afraid.  It doesn’t seem to be harming you or others in any way.  If anything it seems to have the opposite effect…” He trailed off, leaving me with more questions than I had before, but when I looked over at my parents and Anna, suddenly all I could feel was joy.  I felt so blessed.  I was alive, and I had the ones I loved right next to me; that’s all that really mattered.   That’s when it happened.  My eyes grew wide in both fear and fascination as through my chest, emanating from my heart, came a glow of warm light.  It filled the room, and as it came near my parents, Anna, and the doctor, smiles lit upon their faces.

Ah.  So this is what he was talking about.  I just sat motionless for awhile, a look of surprise and wonder on my face, as the world seemed to transform before my very eyes.  Things that didn’t seem significant or beautiful before now were seen in a whole new light.

Peering through a window to my left, I saw a snow-covered pine tree standing proud and tall, brilliantly illuminated in the winter sunlight.  The tree was such an ordinary sight, but for the first time in my life I was in complete and utter awe of it.  Despite the pelting snowfalls, the raging storms, and the blistering droughts, this pine tree had not only lived on but continued to stand tall, evergreen, and everlastingly beautiful.  A tear of wonder and happiness slipped down my cheek.  At the mere age of twelve I had gained the wisdom of someone far older than myself.  My world was never going to be the same.   

****

So, the days turned to months and months into two years, and meanwhile my heart continued to glow.  It’s probably not that hard to imagine that I became a bit of a celebrity around town, but it didn’t last too long.  Just like any fad or oddity, the novelty of it wears off once everyone has seen it enough, and then another replaces the former.  In my case, I was replaced by a very handsome, ethereal young man.

----

Before my accident, I was never much of a religious person.  My mom would have to drag me out of bed to go to church, but after the accident I became very serious about my religious and spiritual life.  It was odd.  I mean, I went to church fairly regularly, and I was reasonably spiritual before the accident, but the intensity of my connection to God after the accident was so much stronger and, most significantly, real.  Before the accident, going to church was more of a routine, just something I was supposed to do, but now it was something I wanted to, loved to, and needed to do.  I went to church every Sunday now, very willingly.  So, naturally when there was a new person going to church—the new ethereal “fad” of the town-- I was one of the first to know about it.  Walking out of church one day, suddenly there he was.  He seemed to have magically appeared right in front of me as soon as I stepped out of the church and onto the snow-covered pavement. 

My heart beat double time, and I was shocked to find that suddenly it began to glow as well.  I thankfully had enough time to clap a hand to my heart, pushing the light back in, before his eyes found mine.  Instead of glowing, I was now melting.  He was the most beautiful, unique human being I had ever set eyes on.  His beauty was almost blinding.  Despite the fact that he was dressed all in black, he shone brilliantly, both inside and out.  His hair was so blonde that it was almost white, but not in a bleach-blonde sort of way.  I’d never seen hair like his.  It almost seemed to shimmer in the sunlight, like snow.  His skin was music to my eyes, the shade of the ivory keys on a piano.  Finally my eyes gravitated toward his, and that’s when it happened.  I had an intense feeling of déjà vu.  I had seen this young man before.  The blinding light, the darkness of his clothing: he was David, the one who spoke to me when I was unconscious after my accident.   

Time seemed to have stopped, and in this departure from time I beheld the purest eyes I’d ever gazed into.  These glittering green eyes held love with an all-encompassing, eternal quality I didn’t think was even possible, except from God.  There was no hate, no greed, just love.  A moment of absolute clarity came to me, and I then knew exactly what he was: an angel.

----

We probably would have gone on staring into one other’s eyes forever if it weren’t for my dad touching my shoulder, jerking me back to reality.  I turned around to find my dad looking at me in concern.

            “Stella?  Are you alright?” Dad asked.

            “Yeah, I’m fine,” I said, as I distractedly panned my eyes around, searching for David, but he was nowhere to be found.  As suddenly as he had appeared he had disappeared once more.

            “Are you sure?” Dad asked, one eyebrow arched skeptically.  “You’ve been staring off into space for a few minutes now.”

            I blushed.  “Were you here the whole time?”

            “Yeah, I was right behind you when we walked out of church, and then you just all of a sudden stopped and stared out into empty space.”

             “You mean, you didn’t see me looking at another person?  No one at all?”

            “No,” Dad said slowly, concern etched across his face.  “Are you sure you’re alright?”

            Before I could answer, Mom abruptly appeared beside us.  She put an arm around my Dad.  Gently ruffling his brown hair with her other hand, Mom peered into his gray eyes.  The concern on Dad’s face was contagious because now Mom’s face was carved with concern as well.  “Is something wrong?” she asked, her eyes iced with worry.

            “Nope, nothing,” I said quickly, wishing they’d both just drop the subject.  I needed to find David.  I needed to find out what was going on. “Let’s go.”

----

 The day had passed, and the evening was now upon us, and I was still here.  Even after the accident, this was the one place where I felt like I truly belonged: in nature, in the snow. No matter how hopeless and uncertain I may be feeling, when I was here my troubles melted away.  The joy in my heart kept me warm despite the chill in the air and the snow seeping through my clothes.  The snow looks even more stunning in the evening.  The moonlight sets the snow all aglitter, like the multitude of stars above, and an undeniable magic permeates the air.  I breathed in its breath-taking chill and shivered with delight.  Suddenly I felt the air inside me start to prickle pleasantly down my throat, and I had the unsettling yet thrilling sensation that I was being watched.

            Turning around I find him.  David.  As he stood in a meadow of snowy twilight, the moon set a spotlight on his face and a shiver down my spine.  The stars above sparkled in his eyes, glowing even brighter than the glistening snow.  Once again I marveled at his beauty and purity; he was absolutely enchanting.  I reached out to touch his delicate hand, but he disappeared right before my eyes once again, leaving behind merely an imprint in the snow: the imprint of a snow angel.

            I looked around in bewilderment.  How could he have disappeared?  I was looking right at him the whole time!  The problem was that I had blinked; in that infinitesimal space of time, he had disappeared with a sound like the rush of wings. 

Stella.

I jumped and my heart fluttered in nervous excitement.  He was in my mind again. “D-david?”

Yes, Stella, it is I.

He talked so peculiarly but so beautifully.  I decided to just put the question out there right away.  There was no point of beating around the bush.  “Are you an angel?” I asked.

Yes.

He let his answer sink in a bit before he continued.  Even though I had already had the inkling that David was an angel, having it confirmed was a little shocking, but I tried to remain calm.

Stella, you are an extremely special individual.  I’m sure you at least know that you are a little different from everyone else, but you’re more than just a little different.  You are a snow angel, as am I.  That night when you almost died?  You in fact did die.  I came to help and comfort you because you were dying.  You are no longer alive, in the human sense at least.

  My blood ran cold.  I wasn’t alive?  How could that be?  “Wait…what?” I asked, numbly.  “I can’t be dead.  I’m…I’m human.  I can’t be an angel,” I said, but as I spoke and the more my mind muddled over the idea, the more plausible that my being an angel became.  “Or can I?”  I started to think about my accident, my new perspective on the world, and my glowing…it all started to add up.

I know it’s a lot to take in, but I need you to be aware that you’re an angel so that you can start knowledgably using the unique power you possess.

“Power?” I asked.  “What power?  My glowing?”

Yes, your glowing.  Have you noticed that you’re able to affect the minds of others with your glow?  You can make others feel happy even when they’re sad.  The glow that you emanate is a glow of happiness and faith.  As an angel that will be your job: to bring happiness and faith to the lives of others, as well as being a guardian over those you love.  Every person who dies becomes an angel, and with the help and guidance of his or her guardian angel, he or she comes to discover the unique power that he or she has.  It is now time that you use your power and look after your loved ones, for they will become angels one day too and therefore must be shown the way as I am showing the way for you.

I thought about that for a moment.  I had known that I seemed to make people happy with my glow, but I didn’t realize that I had the power to make them happy no matter what their mood was.  This new-found power was startling, but even more startling was the other job I would need to perform: to be a guardian.  A guardian angel: they were real, and I was one of them.

“Where do I go from here?” I asked.  “I’m…I’m so confused.  How can I be an angel when I have no idea how to be one?”

Do not be afraid.  It’s okay to be confused.  Everything will make sense with time.  Just keep being yourself and showing the world the glowing spirit that is inside of you.

While his words were meant to be comforting and inspirational, I still felt scared and uninspired.  And alone.

You are not alone, my dear Stella.  There are millions upon millions of other angels in the world, many as confused as you are right now, but I have never in my 507 years seen an angel who was unable to learn how to be an angel.  It will come naturally to you, I promise.  I also promise this: I will always be there for you, and most importantly of all, God will always be there for you, too.

  For a moment I was lost for words.  All I could manage to choke out was a “thank you.”  When I finally had the capacity to speak, however, he was gone.  David has disappeared once again.  This time, however, I wasn’t afraid.  His words had filled my heart with bravery, hope, and most importantly, faith.  I looked down at my chest, which had now become a human “Lite-Brite.” Little pinpoints of light in all different colors were flowing out from my heart, infecting the air with the feelings that David’s words had filled me with: bravery, hope, happiness, and most importantly, faith.

Comfort and Love: a stream of consciousness piece

     A warm bed on a bitter cold winter's night, sitting by the fire's glow, cozied up in a warm and fuzzy blanket with a mug of hot chocolate, cuddling close with a hug from someone you love: there's just something about comfort.  It's one of the happiest feelings, a feeling of safety and belonging...a feeling of love and warmth.  If only the world could focus on comforting and loving one another instead of the terrible need for greed and violence.  Because deep down we all have the same basic desires in life: to love and be loved, to be accepted and to feel that we belong, and to be comforted and to comfort others. 

        Born from love, we were born to love, not to hate.  Hatred is not true human nature.  It is something that is learned, something that we need to stop teaching.  Jimi Hendrix states it perfectly:"When the need for love overcomes the need for power, there may finally be peace."

        Everything is love.  Even things like war and other violent, greedy acts originate from a love.  In the case of war, it could be a love of one's own country, and for other violent acts it may be a love of getting one's way (selfish as this is, it is still a sort of love...a love of oneself).  These kinds of love can be good in some contexts and bad in others, just as everything in the world can be.  It depends on intention.  But inevitably all originate from one source of ultimate love: Our Creator.

          I think that love is the meaning of life.  Our life begins and ends with love...the very first humans were created with love by Our Creator, and then they reciprocated this love by loving each other and producing a child from this love and providing love to this child as well.  Likewise, our own mother and father loved each other, and we were products of their love, too.  Throughout our lives then we should honor this gift of love by continuing to pass it on to everyone we meet.  Love is the greatest gift of all: a gift that keeps giving and never runs out....and the true meaning of our lives.

Flux and Flow: a stream of consciousness piece

I randomly roam the roads, wandering wherever my heart takes me.  Nothing is as it seems, but everything is beautiful.  Perspective defines things as otherwise, but deep-down everything is perfect—perfectly itself.  Glowing, glittering, gardens of goldfish swirl about in the ponderous pools of my thoughts, bringing sweet, thirsty thoughts to my mind, to my soul.

                The soul: never-ending, “changing but never changed, claiming but never claimed,” one’s soul is always one’s own.  It may be affected on the surface by life’s experiences and other human interaction, but within it is never the same.  And there’s nothing more amazing than that.  What a wondrous world we live in.

                Jellyfish lazily drift about in the ocean surf as I gaze in awe at the beauty of this coral reef.  Color explodes around me, this busy, boisterous world of so many dazzling creatures, all interconnected in the chain of life.  One creature cannot exist without the other, like fire and ice, good and evil.  Dualities are needed; without the opposite of one thing, there can’t be the other.  Good would not exist if there was no evil, no fire without ice.  To know both is to better know the world in its entirety.

                Philosophical conundrums thrashing through my mind, turning my brains to a mush of confusion.  There’s nothing certain in this world, except the fact that everything’s uncertain…but maybe that’s what makes life so fantastic and incredibly unique: the fact that nothing is certain, that anything can happen.  The sun may rise and set each day, the seasons may go by every year in an unchanged progression, but no year, season, month, day, hour, minute, or second is ever the same (even though it may feel like it some days, especially when you feel your life is stuck in a rut or you’re in a winter that seems to never end).  Regardless of your internal stasis, however, the world is always different and changing. 

Even internally you’re never truly in a stasis.  Every day changes you: makes you happier, sadder, better, worse, more depressed, or more joyful.  The psychology of your mind itself is amazing: at any instant your mind or whole outlook on life can change just by a mere thought that runs through your mind, a mere sensation that you feel, an event you see/partake in, or a person you encounter.  Up and down, flux and flow: human life is like the tide.

This may be why we feel so closely connected to nature when we stand on the ocean shore, feeling the tide pulling at our toes, gazing out at the infinite azure of the sea.  When we’re at the sea, we are connecting to our own souls, souls so interconnected and similar to the sea: perpetual, always shifting and changing, and ever-beautiful.       

 

Loreleigh: a twist on the tale of Rapunzel

Loreleigh

You may think you had a sheltered childhood, but I can guarantee it’s nothing compared to mine.  I’d never even seen the outside world, much less been allowed outside. I’m not exaggerating.  At all.  I’d grown up never given an idea of what the outside world looks like, never even seeing another person.  The only physical things I’d seen from the outside world were food and water that was brought to me every day, twice a day, pushed under the slat beneath the door.   It’s difficult for me to describe what life had been like for me, but if I were to summarize it into one word it would be this: meaningless. 

When the only person in the world is you, and there is nothing to be seen except the four white walls that surround you and nothing to be accomplished except eating and drinking to stay alive, it’s hard to find any meaning.  I think I would have died of depression and hopelessness if it wasn’t for one essential ability that I inherently possessed: the ability to think and to dream. 

My mind was a means of transportation, a means of escape, to transport me into any situation, to any location, to see and/or be anything.  I’d spend hours upon hours just gazing at parts of my body, letting my imagination run wild.  Looking at my hands, I’d imagine that there were communities of fantastic creatures living in my squared-off pores, that my veins brought water to those communities, and that the creases in my hands were roads and bridges for the creatures to travel over the water.  I’d map out pictures of my imaginings and my dreams with the remnants of my food, trying to make sense of a world that I knew nothing about.  Of course, at the time I did not know there were such things as roads and bridges or even other creatures, but I instinctually knew that there had to be more to life than just these four white walls.  Rest assured, it was a major shock when I finally did see the outside world, and this is where my story truly begins….

-----

Groggily, half-asleep, I opened my eyes and staggered to my feet, peering into the darkness for the source of the unfamiliar sound I’d heard.  I saw nothing but the walls and the silence, both surrounding me, as usual.  Nothing odd or new.  Sighing in disappointment, I slowly began to make my way back to my bed when I heard the sound again.  I jerked my head around and saw the door shaking and shuttering.  Something or someone was trying to break in.  Or trying to break me out.  My heart soared and beat fast in both excitement and fear of the possibility.  I wanted to see the outside world, but I was also very afraid.  The unknown is a most fearful thing, especially when the unknown comprised most of one’s life, as it did for me.  My life and the whole world was a mystery that I’d been sheltered from in my little room. 

The shuttering-shaking of the door continued until finally the door burst open and blinding light poured into the room.  I screamed and frantically shielded my eyes, as the light literally felt as though it was burning them.  I stood there, cowered with my hands over my eyes, for several minutes until I eventually garnered up the courage to peek into the light. With extreme caution, I slowly peered into the spaces between my fingers.  Even seeing a broken picture of the world outside my door, I was filled with wonder.

My senses were overloaded.  There was so much to see, to hear, and even to smell.  The very first aspect that astounded me was the explosion of color.  Being locked in this room all my life, I’d been accustomed to only seeing the white color of the wall and my dress, along with the blandly brown color of the oatmeal and meat I was fed.  I found out that I knew only opposite ends of the spectrum.  I discovered that there were seemingly millions of shades in between.  I also noticed that the light of the outside world brought a whole new perspective to my mind.  Everything was not as it seemed.  The world was not the hopeless, uniform, sterile one that I had known my whole life; it was instead a world of such hope, magic, beauty, and complexity.

Besides the sights to be seen, my ears and nose were bombarded with a symphony of sounds and smells.  From the soft whisper of the wind that tickled and kissed my skin and gently swept my hair across my face to the loud chorus of chirping birds, there was so much to be heard that my ears were constantly ringing.  As if this wasn’t enough, my nose was overjoyed with a myriad of fresh, luscious scents.  I breathed in deeply and sighed in ecstasy, high on the smell of the grass, the dirt, the flowers, and the very air itself.  I was so in love with the newness of the world around me that I hadn’t even noticed the handsome young man who stood in front of me, openly gazing at me with his mouth gaping, until he gulped and then uttered a single word.

“H-hello”

I jumped in surprise and fear and jerked my head toward the source of the sound.  Now it was my turn to gaze with my mouth gaping.  Standing before me was a creature who strikingly resembled me.  He had the same arms, the same legs, the same face, but it was the differences between us that especially struck me and filled me with wonder.  He was much taller, his shoulders were wider, and his whole body appeared much stronger.  His hair was much different than mine, too.  It was short, brown, and even appeared in stubble on his face, on his chin and upper lip.  His face was what enamored me with him most of all, especially those eyes.  I’d never truly seen eyes before, except via my reflection in water, much less actually look into them.  There was something extremely powerful and magnetizing about eyes, especially this man’s.  Such emotion, such complexity, such vitality…and most all, such beauty.  His eyes were a pure, refreshing shade of light blue, a cool glass of water in which the longer I gazed, the deeper I dove into its depths. 

In the mean time, while I openly gawked, a curious pink color slowly spread across his cheeks, and his eyes shuttered open and closed.  Eventually he looked up and began to speak again.

“Umm…so…yeah…hi.  My name is Henry.  What’s yours?”

There was a prolonged silence as I just stood there, both confused and fascinated.    I’d never heard a human speak before, and therefore I had no idea what Henry had said, but nonetheless I instantly fell in love with the rhythm and melody of his voice.   I wanted to respond, so I tried to imitate his voice, which didn’t work well at all.

“Ur…m…ry…hiii….” I babbled out.  It came out in a surprisingly high-pitched voice that made me clap my hands over my ears in pain.  Henry looked on in amusement and laughed, another sound I’d never heard before.  It was a low rumbling sound that radiated warmth and became instantly contagious.  An involuntary laugh flowed out of my lips and caused my body to shake in unfamiliar ways.  It was an odd sensation.  Once I began to laugh I couldn’t stop.  The laughter racked my spine and caused me to convulse in a delicious pain.  I almost fell to the floor, I was laughing so hard, but Henry quickly caught me up in his arms.

“Woah, careful,” he said, his face mere inches from mine.  I felt a peculiar but pleasant warmth course across my cheeks, and my heart, skipping a beat, fluttered out of control.  “You okay?”

I smiled in reply, unsure of what Henry had asked but loving the sound of his voice.  He took that answer as a “yes,” and smiled back a smile that made my heart melt.  For a brief, magical moment, we smilingly gazed at each other, Henry’s arms holding me securely and tightly against his warm body.  Sadly, however, the moment abruptly ended when Henry came back to reality and realized the intensity of the situation.  He loosened me out of his grip, flustered.

“Sorry,” he muttered.  I, of course, had no idea what Henry had uttered.  All I knew was that I wanted him to keep holding me.  I didn’t know why I was feeling this way, or even what I was feeling exactly, but of one thing I was absolutely sure: I didn’t want this feeling to end.

----

Henry

“It was love at first sight.”  I used to roll my eyes at that phrase, but I was now starting to see that it could be true.  I’d never really believed in much of anything before I met…her.  It’s crazy.  I mean, we just met, and I still don’t even know her name, yet I think I’m in love with her.   There’s just something about the girl.  I can’t figure it out.  Well, there’s no denying that she’s super hot, but it’s more than just her good looks and her body; it’s her very soul.  I can just feel the beautiful joy and wonder radiating out of her, such a kind, sweet spirit.  I’d never met a girl like her before.  Pretty much all the girls I knew were self-centered, vain, and avoided me like the plague.  But not this girl.  This girl seemed to actually be attracted to me! 

Imagine that, right?  Yeah, I’d always been the awkward, nerdy guy.  You know the type: always picked last in gym class but always picked first for academic, school projects?  Yep, that’s me.  You could definitely say that it’s in the family.  Mix the egg of a marine biologist with the sperm of a psychologist and voila!  You’ve got me: the insecure, awkward, nerdy dude.  There’s one gene I am very thankful for though at the moment, and that being my gene of curiosity.  If it wasn’t for my curiosity, I never would have met the gorgeous girl standing in front of me.

See, my dad does research in psychology, and he always had freely shared his research with my mom, me, and anyone else in the public who was interested in what he did, but one project he had kept secret from us—from everyone—for…well…I’d say at least 15 years.  I never would have learned about his secret if not for the suspicious conversation we had had this afternoon.

“Where you heading off to, Dad?” I asked.  I had just stepped out of the house and was making my way to my car when I noticed my dad getting into his SUV.  He jumped, startled, and turned a guilty face toward me.

“Oh, uh…I’m heading off to the office.”

“The office?” I asked, my eyebrows furrowed in disbelief.  “But it’s Saturday.  You never work on Saturdays.”

There was a beat of silence as my dad shifted uncomfortably.  I knew something was up.  There was something he wasn’t telling me.

“Yeah, well, I just have a special project I need to work a little extra on before Monday,” my dad said.

 “Oh. Okay,” I said, totally unconvinced, as he quickly got in his truck and sped away, in the opposite direction of his office.  So, there was only one thing left to do: I got in my car and followed him.